John Oliver from 'Last Week Tonight' Has Had Enough of Olympic Game Doping Scandals
It's the season of the 2016 Olympic Games, otherwise known to "Last Week Tonight" host John Oliver as the time for "inspiration porn" in the form of all the tearjerking stories shared about all the competing athletes from all across the globe.
But Oliver wants you to know that there is more to the story, namely the long sordid history of athletes using illicit performance-enhancing drugs to prep for their shining moment.
Russian Doping Scandal Grabs Headlines
Most recently, several athletes from the Russian track and field team have been accused of taking part in a state-sanctioned doping scandal and banned from participating in the upcoming games in Rio de Janeiro.
The scheme reportedly included secret agents, high-level security and a strategically placed wall hole.
"A Russian lab used a secret hole in the wall in an attempt to win Olympic medals, making this the first known example of a literal glory hole," Oliver joked.
He goes on to argue that the winning at all cost mentality that has become so prevalent truly matters to the Olympics machine that he views as susceptible to influence and abuse.
"It's making FIFA look good," he said in sarcastically interjecting the soccer entity he has long had issues with into the equation.
Russian apologies and assurances from the nation's sports minister aside, Oliver wants put the blame where he truly believes it belongs, namely all the world leaders who make their athletes feel as if nothing short of gold will suffice.
Kenya, Jamaica, and China are now also under scrutiny for varying misdeeds and U.S. athletes have also been known to have accusatory fingers pointed in their direction.
Suspicions Mount as Games Near
As The Games draw closer and perhaps suspicions start to mount, Oliver says he has decided to make all those aforementioned sappy athlete profiles a little more honest and realistic.
"For me, to win in Rio, that would be a fairy tale come true, you know?" he said in the voice of an Olympic athlete he fictionally created. "It would be a Cinderella story, but like, if the slipper didn't actually belong to Cinderella and she took a lot of drugs to change the size of her foot to fit the slipper, and then Prince Charming fell for it. And they lived happily ever after."
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