How To Upgrade Your Social Circle In 2020

Motivational speaker John Rohn once said, "You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with." Your social circle says a lot about you. And if you're not happy with your current situation at work, your inner circle may be the problem, according to an article by Hispanic Network.

Undecided whether or not you want to upgrade your social circle this 2020?

Ivan Misner, author of Who's In Your Room: The Secret to Creating Your Best Life and founder of the global business network BNI pointed out the importance of being really good at deciding who you allow into your life. "Imagine your life is one room and the room had one door. The door could only let people enter, and once they're in the room, they're there forever."

For Misner, while the metaphor is scary, it speaks the truth. "Think about a person you let into your life and then had to let out because they were toxic, difficult, or angry," he says. "If you can remember the emotions and what they did, they're still in your head. If they're in your head, they're still in your room."

Considering this, it is important to surround yourself with the right people from the very start, otherwise they'll be in your "room" for the rest of your life.

"When you realize that this happens, you can get better at screening out people before they get in and dealing with the ones you already let in," says Misner.

Letting people in

Opening your door to the right people means getting clear with your values. "If you don't know your values, you don't know where to start," says Misner.

The author stressed, you have to start considering the deal breakers or behaviors that you hate, such as dishonesty or drama. Be wary of people who demonstrate these behaviors, and don't let them into your social circle.

"Pretend your mind has a doorman or bouncer," says Misner. "Train your doorman-your subconscious and conscious mind-to identify people with these behaviors. By understanding your deal breakers, you'll be better able to start understanding your values."

People usually commit the mistake of letting others into their life by weighing too quickly "what's in it for me," only considering the benefits they can get from a certain individual and disregarding the things that go against their values.

"In physics, resonance is a powerful thing," says Misner. "It's a phenomenon that occurs when an extra force drives something to oscillate at a specific frequency."

To demonstrate this concept, Misner used two pianos sitting side by side in a room as an example. "If you hit the middle C key on one piano while someone presses the sustain pedal on the other one, the middle C of the other one will vibrate on that second piano, without [it] being touched," says Misner. "That's resonance. People are like that."

To simply put it, making a decision based on what you think you can get instead of your values, you invite values that do not align with yours to resonate in your life.

"Be mindful about creating relationships with resonance and get your values down," says Misner. "Companies often recognize the importance of knowing your values, but people don't always think about them. Values should be at the foundation of everything you do. Otherwise, you'll create the wrong room."

Dealing with people you've already let in

Better to be safe than sorry. But if you already have people in your circle who are creating a bad environment, you have to decide if they have to stay or make an exit the relationship. If you're having a difficulty doing it, then you must at least learn to draw a line in sand.

"Evaluating your social circle means recognizing that someone may be in your life but their baggage needs to stay out," says Misner. "Draw a line in the sand by saying that you're not letting their behavior continue around you."

For instance, if you have a coworker who demonstrates toxic behavior such as frequent gossiping or complaining, even if it's not about you, establish boundaries. You can say, "Starting now, if you start talking badly, I will walk away. I respect you and will talk to you again, but only if you can have a mature adult conversation." Then decide for yourself to really do what you have said once it happens. The person may not understand the new boundaries and rules at first, but once you draw the line in the sand, you can eliminate the toxicity from your circle without having to eliminate the person.

"Stand firm," says Misner. "Part of that is learning how to say 'no.'"

While Marie Kondo teaches us to declutter things from our home which "do not spark joy," it is equally important to take stock of the people and relationships in your life, according to therapist and friendship researcher Miriam Kirmayer.

"Relationships should add value and meaning to our lives," Kirmayer says. "We know from research that the quality of our relationships is really intimately connected with the quality of our lives."

The people you surround yourself with can shape your physical and mental health, overall happiness, and even productivity and success at work. As Harper Lee's To Kill A Mocking Bird character Atticus puts it, "We are made of all those who have built and broken us."

This 2020, declutter your life and upgrade your social circle.