‘I Am Scared’: Amanda Kloots Opens up After Holding Nick Cordero’s Memorial
Friends and family remembered Nick Cordero in a small memorial on Saturday. The Broadway star's widow, Amanda Kloots, shared her fears on her 'new normal' after the emotional event.
The Broadway star died last July 5 due to coronavirus complications. He was held in the ICU for 95 days, where he faced mini-strokes, blood clots, septic infections, a tracheostomy, and a temporary pacemaker implant.
In a heartfelt Instagram post, Kloots shared a sweet photo of her and Cordero's 13-month-old son Elvis as she detailed the event.
Kloots told the family and friends in attendance that her husband "would have wanted this to be a celebration." She invited them to share their cherished memories with Cordero and asked them to sing "to his memory."
"He would have loved it. It was beautiful and perfect. His spirit was there," she said.
For a long time, Kloots was not allowed to see him personally and only had the chance to FaceTime, her husband, with nurses' help. It was 79 days into his hospitalization when Kloots finally held his hand in the ICU.
I'm Here.
Kloots told that she and Cordero once listened to the song "I'm Here" from the Broadway musical "The Color Purple" live.
According to her, they went out of the theater in tears and speechless.
During the memorial, the song put Kloots in a sea of emotions again, this time for a different reason.
"Truly, I am scared," she wrote. "Scared of my new normal, the pain, the loss, and being strong enough to get through it."
USA Today said she was "ever the optimist" and decided the song would be her new motto when she feels she won't get through hardships.
She told her followers that she knows her late husband is cheering her on, "believing in me and hoping for me."
A Letter to her Son
People reported that days before the memorial, Kloots was talking about her grief in Instagram Stories on Thursday Night.
She shared a letter she wrote to her son. The message was her way of explaining how Cordero had passed.
"I miss him so much. I miss his voice-hugs, kisses, smile, silliness. I wish quarantine would have been the three of us together every day," she told her son through the letter. She told him to look for the "silver linings in life."
In the video, she looked back on her months-long battle with the virus. In the video, she called grief a weird thing, noting how she's talked about everything else about how she processed her loss but felt "oddly wrong" not to acknowledge the pain.
Conversations with Nick
An ET Online article told how Kloots would find herself talking to her late husband, a thing she's shared with her fans. She said the loss doesn't hit her until at night when she needs to go to sleep.
She said she'd think her husband would listen to her, laughing as she talks to him. "I said to Nick...' You know me. This is what I would be doing. I would keep going. I would keep moving. I would keep working.'"
She told fans it gets hard for her when it hits her. But she said she knows things will take a turn for the better, "I know that it's gonna get easier every day."
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