As you scramble to Wal-Mart to return that ill-conceived gift of a Duck Dynasty Chia pet for your Uncle Marty and his "friend" (as your family calls him), we've created a list of the worst possible Christmas gifts of all time.

5. Diet Cookbooks: Unless the person SPECIFICALLY asked for this, steer clear. Not only will you offend the receiver, but you'll never hear the end of it. Instead, if the receiver likes books, get him/her a gift card to his/her favorite bookstore, or a Kindle gift certificate.

4. Anything Holiday Themed: Whether it's bath towels, or sweaters, or mugs, ANYTHING that is holiday themed, regardless of the holiday, can only be used once a year. Frankly, it's a waste of time and money. Instead, get him/her something more practical (and less about the holidays -- trust me, your dear sweet Aunt Rose doesn't need yet another Christmas sweater with Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer).

3. Novelty Items: See the aforementioned Duck Dynasty Chia pet, which is two kinds of awful all rolled into one. Besides, does anyone really remember the singing wall bass fish, or the whoopie cushion, or the myriad of other gifts that seemed like a great idea at the time but in retrospect were all kinds of awful? Save your money and give the receiver something he'll actually use and remember, not something he'll throw in the back of the closet.

2. Anything Sexually Slanted: Kama Sutra, edible underwear, massage oils, the Trojan Twister... No. Just. NO. Unless you're giving these to your significant other, it's too personal, and frankly, it's rude. This isn't a bachelorette party -- it's Christmas. Want to buy something nice for your favorite couple? Get them a dinner for two off Groupon -- it will go over MUCH better.

1. A Tweet Cloud Poster: Seriously... I had to look this up to see if it was real. But yes... it is. Nothing captures the narcissism of the 21st century better than this gift. This gift encapsulates everything that's wrong with Generation Y (as in "Y in the hell didn't we take the morning-after pill when we had the chance?"). What better way to remember that time you said that totes-funny mustache joke during that 5 minute stint you spent in that coffee shop in Boerum Heights sipping on your soy mocha latte and your gluten-free scone made from angel's sweat glands and sweatshop worker's tears, while wearing vintage Balenciaga shoes and Armani dresses, worn ever-so-slightly wrinkled to get that wannabe-homeless look? IRONY! And I'm sure no one would appreciate this gift more than recently disgraced PR executive Justine Sacco, who would certainly love to commemorate her infamous foot-in-mouth moment with this worst gift of all time.