Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that makes a person question their reality. They develop self-doubt about their own experiences and emotions, and they gradually lose their confidence and self-esteem.

Gaslighting could be perpetrated by an individual or a group of people.

This could be a rather covert and subtle form of abuse. It means the victim is not aware while it is happening to them. The chipping away of self-esteem or sanity is gradually caused by cognitive dissonance.

The term "gaslighting" is derived from the film "Gaslight," in which a husband drives his wife into insanity by making her believe she has developed a mental illness.

Examples & Techniques

Some of the common ways manipulators can gaslight are:

  • Countering - Making someone question their memory by saying things like "Are you sure?"

  • Withholding - Making someone believe what they are saying makes no sense.

  • Denial - When an abuser denies that an incident took place the way someone else recalls it, or that it even took place at all.

  • Diverting - When someone's claim is discredited by changing the focus to their flaws.

  • Stereotyping - Preventing the victim from seeking help, making them question their intuition that there's abuse taking place.

  • Trivializing - When a person belittles someone's feelings or opinions, such as by calling someone too sensitive for reacting the way they do.

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Are you a victim?

Since this is an insidious form of abuse, you might not be aware that it is happening to you. What makes it covert is that there are occasional periods of positive reinforcement that will leave the victim perplexed and stuck in the situation.

If you feel you are being gaslighted in a relationship or by competitive co-workers, watch out for these signs:

  • Brain fog or second-guessing yourself

  • Problems with decision-making

  • Wondering if you are too sensitive

  • Wanting to withdraw from social conversations

  • Inability to focus or concentrate

  • Feeling apologetic to the abuser

  • Not in touch with your own intuition

  • Feeling of depression and hopelessness

Gaslighting, if it happens for a long period or time, could result in myriad other problems, such as depression and psychological trauma.

What should you do?

Here are some steps you should take to protect yourself from the effects of gaslighting:

  • Make notes

It is always a good idea to keep track of the events and what's being said to you at a given point. That way, you will be certain of your memory and you will be able to tell if someone is lying or trying to manipulate you.

  • Involve an outsider

Sometimes you might want to have someone else look at your situation from their perspective. This is because they are not under any mental or emotional influence like you might be.

  • Collect evidence

Although it may look like taking things too far, some situations call for taking pictures or keeping copies of documents for fact-checking purposes.

  • Trust your instincts

Sometimes, you can tell something is off about a certain person or a situation. This is not reason enough to believe that you are being gaslighted, but it might be a good start.

Conclusion

In some cases, the abusers are not aware of their manipulating nature and gaslight others by way of habit. That does not make the problem less serious. Whether it's intentional or not, you don't want other people to negatively affect your mental health. By staying kind to your mind, you can not only help yourself but others, too.